In my soon-to-be published illustrated novel "In the Seam", I've included a few incidents from my childhood which have been mildly tweaked. The character of Harvey Melodrama has inherited the majority of these memories.
I did have a pet squirrel named "Sebastian Carrot" and our neighborhood was terrorized by a German Shepherd named "Hans". In "In the Seam", Harvey decides to save himself and his friends from this "lumbering engine of malfunction". In Harvey's own words: "My aerial audience gasped as one as I thrust my weapon up the monster's unsuspecting butt.
Harvey Melodrama: Gladiator. Avenger. Valiant Protector of all that is Good. Stupid Kid.
Forever, is that face ingrained in my memory. In what seemed like slow-motion, the grizzled head swung around, drool still dangling from its massive canines, eyes almost popping completely out of their sockets, before it did the next logical thing...
It bit me in the nuts."
This injury is what propels young Harvey into the surreal realm known as "The Seam" and sets the wheels of the story in motion. In real life, I was bitten above the eye. But, that doesn't mean I haven't been bitten in the nuts.
Almost fourteen years ago, on my son's first birthday I became an appetizer for a pit bull. Skylar's birthday is the day after mine. We had had a joint birthday party the night before, and many of the party participants had retired to the "Dungeon" before the imbibing got out of hand.
I was driving one of my guests home the next morning, when my van underwent a meltdown. My friend offered to take me to his friend's house, where these two geniuses spent the better part of the day trying to fix the van for me. I was told repeatedly to steer clear of the pit bull who lorded over the squalid yard. After hours of multiple trips to the car parts store, and never-ending diversions into the house by the intrepid "mechanics" I finally needed to use the restroom. I'd spent most of the day pacing around the outskirts of the yard, and had conversed multiple times with the dog's owner. I didn't just arrive.
My companions were nowhere in sight, so I approached the dog slowly. As a gesture of good faith, I held out my hand for him to sniff. He sauntered to the end of his chain and without so much as a reach-around, or warning growl, hurtled at me. I fell backward in shock. Now, the dog was barking, foaming and straining his restraints to have his way with me. It was then that the walloping pain set in. I doubled over and gingerly reached within my pants. When I pulled my hand out it was bloody. Damn Fifi had made contact!
In the meantime, the auto experts took a break from their break to rush to my rescue. The owner grabbed at the dog's collar, and successfully liberated the brute from his constraints. I looked up in horror to see that the monster was now completely free to finish me off. Before the carnivore became cognizant of his situation, his owner grabbed him by the neck and wrestled him into the house.
I will spare you the details of my injury, but I will say that several days later when I finally went to the emergency room, the doctor instructed me to lower my trousers so that he could inspect the damage. He flinched! A emergency room doctor- FLINCHED!! I like cats now.
Another character from "In the Seam" who may have inherited some of my life's DNA is pictured below.
That's a story for another day.