"In the Seam" on NetGalley

"In the Seam" on NetGalley
In an effort to gather some early reviews before "In the Seam" is released, I've teamed with Smith Publicity and NetGalley. If you would like to become a literary critic please click on the book cover above and register as a reviewer. You will then get to download "In the Seam" for free and take a swing. Batter Up!

Junkie Monkeys

Junkie Monkeys

An animated video of "Secret Agent of Love" from the novel "In the Seam" by Kirk James Folk

CONTACT

E-mail: kirkfolk@gmail.com
Phone: (717) 843-7612
OR USE TELEPATHY

How Many Hobbitsses Is Enough, Preciousssssss?


"I DARE YOU NOT TO BUY THE BLU-RAY!" goads bloody Bilbo from the poster, and it's all I can do not to rush to WalMart and hand over my wallet.
     Many, many prequels and sequels ago, I fell prey to Peter Jackson's twisted brand of evil. I bought "The Fellowship of the Ring" the day it came out on dvd. I'd already seen the movie in the theater mind you, and I knew they were threatening to release an "extended" version, but I had to have it. And then the "Extended Version" arrived. I promised myself that I'd never buy another puny theatrical version again. Yes, I rented the dvd's on the day they came out, but I WAITED patiently for the Big Guy/Big Buy. And I never regretted it.
     Then something strange happened. A millennium later they filmed the rather slight book "The Hobbit". In three films. Each one was six hours long. And they too, promised to be released with MORE stuff. It must be senility, but I bought the first one on the day it came out, just like I'd done a lifetime ago. And the extended version. And I swore, once again, that I wouldn't do it again. But I did, do it! I did, precioussss. I bought "The Desolation of Smaug" and I bought the extended version, too. Peter Jackson owns New Zealand, thanks to me.
     What's that they say about old dogs? Nope. Not I. I CAN learn a new trick. I will NOT buy this version, until it comes out with 186 more minutes. More Dwarf-fu. More bloody carnage. More Flying Elves and Goblin Ballerinas. More Thorin Oakenshield. Ugh. (How many chances at redemption does one dwarf get? If I were Bilbo I would've stabbed him between the eyes with "Sting" after about the sixth betrayal. Imagine if that guy was ever handed a Ring of Power! Zoinks. All hail The Great Oak: Emperor of Middle Earth!!)
     I hope they don't film "The Silmarillion". I can't afford it.

Now You See Me, Now You...Wait I'm Right Here!

One of the most fascinating phenomena I've encountered in all my years of "performing" is the audience's ability to forget that I am there, alive before them. I call this "The Cloak of Secrecy".
     Don't get me wrong: I've seen things that were aimed for my eyes only that cannot be unseen.
What I'm referring to (and this applies more to acoustic performances) is when they act like I can't see THEM. I don't know if it's all of the years of exposure to television and now video games (alcohol is definitely a contributing factor) but as the night deepens, the entertainer becomes a hologram. I've been up there for hours in front of them, with plenty of interaction, but the mind has begun to wander.
     Years ago, I played a solo gig every Wednesday at a local "college" bar. The place was packed every week and at this particular point in time, the crowd was growing steadily. I'd developed a rapport with many of the regulars and was learning their song requests. There was a group of about fifteen attractive girls who were undoubtedly under the legal drinking age, sitting directly in front of me. Suddenly, all but one disappeared en masse (presumably to use the restroom at the same time). The lovely loner turned her head a complete 360 degrees like an owl checking that the coast was clear, and without hesitation, rammed her perfectly manicured finger up her nose. She commenced prospecting and wasn't quitting until she'd hit the mother lode. It was all I could do to keep from falling off of my bar stool. When the song ended, I leaned into the mic and asked her if she'd found whatever it was that she'd lost. She turned beet-red and burst out laughing. She was a good sport, and a helluva spelunker. She even baby-sat for me a couple of times.
     I often tell people who come out to see me play, that I have the best seat in the house. I should be paying a cover charge, for all of the entertainment you guys provide. Thank you in advance.

   

DOGS!

     Over the years, many people have suggested that I should write the story of my life. First of all, I can't remember most of the things that happened. This is partially due to senility, but mostly to self-abuse. I have been pickled so many times, my veins are filled with brine. Secondly, who would believe it?
     In my soon-to-be published illustrated novel "In the Seam", I've included a few incidents from my childhood which have been mildly tweaked. The character of Harvey Melodrama has inherited the majority of these memories.

    
     I did have a pet squirrel named "Sebastian Carrot" and our neighborhood was terrorized by a German Shepherd  named "Hans". In "In the Seam", Harvey decides to save himself and his friends from this "lumbering engine of malfunction". In Harvey's own words: "My aerial audience gasped as one as I thrust my weapon up the monster's unsuspecting butt. 
     Harvey Melodrama: Gladiator. Avenger. Valiant Protector of all that is Good. Stupid Kid.
     Forever, is that face ingrained in my memory. In what seemed like slow-motion, the grizzled head swung around, drool still dangling from its massive canines, eyes almost popping completely out of their sockets, before it did the next logical thing...
     It bit me in the nuts."
     This injury is what propels young Harvey into the surreal realm known as "The Seam" and sets the wheels of the story in motion. In real life, I was bitten above the eye. But, that doesn't mean I haven't been bitten in the nuts.
     Almost fourteen years ago, on my son's first birthday I became an appetizer for a pit bull. Skylar's birthday is the day after mine. We had had a joint birthday party the night before, and many of the party participants had retired to the "Dungeon" before the imbibing got out of hand. 
     I was driving one of my guests home the next morning, when my van underwent a meltdown. My friend offered to take me to his friend's house, where these two geniuses spent the better part of the day trying to fix the van for me. I was told repeatedly to steer clear of the pit bull who lorded over the squalid yard. After hours of multiple trips to the car parts store, and never-ending diversions into the house by the intrepid "mechanics" I finally needed to use the restroom. I'd spent most of the day pacing around the outskirts of the yard, and had conversed multiple times with the dog's owner. I didn't just arrive.
     My companions were nowhere in sight, so I approached the dog slowly. As a gesture of good faith, I held out my hand for him to sniff. He sauntered to the end of his chain and without so much as a reach-around, or warning growl, hurtled at me. I fell backward in shock. Now, the dog was barking, foaming and straining his restraints to have his way with me. It was then that the walloping pain set in. I doubled over and gingerly reached within my pants. When I pulled my hand out it was bloody. Damn Fifi had made contact!
     In the meantime, the auto experts took a break from their break to rush to my rescue. The owner grabbed at the dog's collar, and successfully liberated the brute from his constraints. I looked up in horror to see that the monster was now completely free to finish me off. Before the carnivore became cognizant of his situation, his owner grabbed him by the neck and wrestled him into the house.
     I will spare you the details of my injury, but I will say that several days later when I finally went to the emergency room, the doctor instructed me to lower my trousers so that he could inspect the damage. He flinched! A emergency room doctor- FLINCHED!! I like cats now.
     Another character from "In the Seam" who may have inherited some of my life's DNA is pictured below.


          That's a story for another day.

The Rebirth of the Blahg

This blog (vlog would be more accurate) began many years ago under the promptings of entertainment entrepreneur, Jeff Davidson. After watching my son Skylar and I banter back and forth, he suggested we film an internet show of the two of us doing just that. "The Kirk and Skylar Show" was born. Our concept was that we would set up a static camera, sit down on our couch and talk about books, movies and anything else that was on our minds. Oh, and I got the ludicrous idea that we should reenact the show "Lost" with action figures.
     The internet being what it is, I promised myself that we would abandon the show if at any point there were insulting or inappropriate comments aimed at Skylar. I am happy to report that there were none. If anything, most comments praised his gifts as a comedian and berated his bumbling father. Bravo Internet!
     We filmed one episode a week for over a year, and then we moved. Once we got settled into our new house, I decided to back out of the full-time music business and get a "real" job. OY! What was I thinking? With little to no time available for editing and goofing off, the show fell to the wayside. We did manage to film our truncated versions of all 24 (!) episodes of the first season of "Lost" and saw more movies in a year than most people do in a lifetime. The show is over, but it still lives on @ www.youtube.com/user/kirkfolk. And we're still couch movie critics.
     I'm now going to use this page to post random musings as I begin my new life as an "author". I hope you'll stop in and check on my progress. From time to time, I may connive my old partner into making an appearance. Let the games begin!

Click on the links below to purchase our new single "Secret Agent of Love"! Only 99 cents! That's now my new rapper name: Ninety Nine Cent!!!!!






Elmore Leonard: Rest in Peace

I just read the news and it felt like someone punched me in the gut.
I discovered Elmore Leonard accidentally when I was in my mid 30's. I picked up a tattered paperback in a used book store and something about the blurb on the back made me buy it. It didn't sound like anything I might normally enjoy, but the New York Times said that "Mr. Leonard is incapable of cheating the reader." That caught my attention. I figured "What the hell, it's only a buck and a half lost". And so it began.
I just looked at my bookshelf and I own over twenty Elmore Leonard novels. Over twenty! That's not even half of his career output. I know that I've read and lent out more copies than have ever been returned, but damn! By anyone's count that's a robust literary output.
It always pissed me off that Hollywood screwed up so many of his novels. All they had to do was film the book as the screenplay! His writing was purely cinematic, without an ounce of fat on the bones. The dialogue was black as tar, yet funny as hell. Every character was fully realized and yet so human that you could never guess where their arc might lead. These people were flawed to the core and yet Leonard made you embrace them all the same.
I am saddened by his passing, yet heartened by the knowledge that a team of writers, producers, directors and actors have finally gotten him completely right. Elmore Leonard was a producer on "Justified", but as a devoted fan of the show I trust its crew will continue to honor his memory by creating unparallelled tv that remains true to his vision. They've learned, embraced and adapted the master's style so wholeheartedly that I know his fingers will inspire the keystrokes even though he's moved on.
Elmore Leonard made writing seem effortless. His heroes had balls of steel. If their handguns didn't kill you, their one-liners surely would.

Elmore Leonard
1925-2013

GIGS

Wednesday March 11th
The MPR @ Pleasant Acres
2:30 to 3:30
(Kirk)

Friday March 20th
The White Rose Bar and Grill
9 to Midnight
(Kirk and Linda)

Sunday March 22nd
Corner Stable
Open Mic 
3 to 6
(Kirk and Linda Co-Hosting with Bud Ream)
Everyone Welcome- Bring your Weapon of Choice

Sunday March 29th
Corner Stable
Open Mic
3 to 6
(Kirk and Linda Co-Hosting with Bud Ream)
Everyone Welcome- Talent Optional